


No Solace for a Nobody

by TheDuckofIndeed



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, The nature of Nobodies, Vexen is terrible at comforting people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 09:52:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18193022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDuckofIndeed/pseuds/TheDuckofIndeed
Summary: Vexen, through a temporary lapse in judgment, gets dragged into a conversation with Demyx, leading to a talk of Nobodies, families, and their lot in the Organization, which only reminds Vexen of things he'd rather forget.





	No Solace for a Nobody

**Author's Note:**

> An old story I wrote way back in 2013, so if anything seems off, that's why. I can't believe this story is that old.

It was night in the World That Never Was. Of course, it was always night, and as a result, time never appeared to flow here, as if this world was stuck in some eternal limbo, doomed to never see the light of day, not once, in its miserable existence, or lack thereof.

Due to the seemingly halted passage of time, the world’s residents created their own time, though they were not always in sync. Currently, it was night time, according to Vexen’s internal clock, though such a notion was about as meaningless to him as it was to this world, as this particular Nobody had better ways to spend his time than to waste it sleeping. In fact, judging by the emptiness of the place, many of the other members _were_ no doubt asleep by now, surely Xigbar, Axel, and Demyx, at the very least, the lazy oafs, while others were still off on missions that had run “late”, by his timing.

And by this late hour, the Castle’s resident scientist had gone to the kitchen for another cup of coffee, black, as bitter as it was, to keep his mind sharp so that his experiments could continue. He had previously worked on such experiments with the assistance of Zexion, though, as what always happens, the boy had eventually grown up (in actuality, it was by the age of twelve that he decided he was an adult and no longer felt obligated to spend time with the one who had raised him the last five years prior) and decided to occupy his time with his own ventures, leaving the elder scientist to continue his research alone. It perhaps would have been an unwelcome change if Vexen had a heart to feel any sort of negative emotion towards their growing apart, but lacking this heart, he fell into his new solitary routine easily enough.

And now Vexen headed back in the direction of his lab, the lab which had since become his and his alone, pace quick and coffee in hand, with a particularly intriguing specimen waiting for him. As he strode down yet another empty passageway, not even a Dusk in sight, the silence was broken only by the sound of the soles of his boots tapping on the cold, hard floor of the Castle That Never Was, echoing down hallways that sometimes seemed to wander on indefinitely. While teleporting would have been a far easier way to get around the always sprawling and sometimes nonsensical rooms and hallways of this place, such a thing still felt foreign to him at times. Walking is what humans did, and so this was often his preferred method of travel, when he could get away with it. And while the Castle, just like the outside, never changed appearance, just as brightly lit at all hours as the city outside was constantly dark, this particular span of time that the majority of members had dubbed as “night” was the time the scientist preferred over all others, as few roamed the Castle’s vast halls, so Vexen could walk down them in peace. The man was always the type to escape from the noise and excitement of living with other people, even as Even, to find a quiet corner to himself to read or to simply think, something that was surprisingly difficult in the monstrous castle of Radiant Garden, but even more than ever, he found himself vying for silence and privacy. He had grown far too accustomed to these things than was likely healthy, so much so that he no longer could imagine living without such solitude.

As Vexen’s footsteps took him a growing distance from the kitchen, he heard a sound not heard too often within the Castle walls (or out, come to think of it). Crying. The sound met him as he neared the Gray Area, a sound that would seem mournful to those that didn’t know any better. But, sad as it seemed, it was not, because Nobodies had no hearts with which to feel sad with. He passed the entrance of the room by, not bothering to look in and see who it might be. There were only two people in this world that could make themselves cry, Larxene and Demyx, the former doing it in an attempt to get her way or to make someone let their guard down so she could assault them (the latter got punched in the face on multiple occasions falling for this), while Demyx did it for a much different reason, out of some perceived sadness he claimed to feel, but couldn’t, the crying made possible by his control over water. As isolation was not the best way to go about getting attention, it was surely Demyx in there, one of the many people that Vexen simply couldn’t stand, though the people he _could_ tolerate he could count on the fingers of one hand.

But, before the sound was lost to him, he stopped, an old memory surfacing from the depths of his mind, of Ienzo ten years ago, who did his fair share of crying, though, it was justified, as the boy had just lost his parents and had been seven at the time. For Demyx, there was no excuse, as he was nearing his 20’s and couldn’t feel sorrow to begin with. As much as Vexen wanted to continue on, however, it was the part of him that was still Even that made him turn back and enter the room, finding Demyx, as expected, curled up on a couch, knees pulled to his chest, sobbing, his body racking for all it was worth. It was quite theatrical, really.

He watched the weeping Nobody for a time longer, pondering over whether or not he should just forget about Even and his ridiculous sentiments and leave, after all (his coffee wouldn’t stay hot forever). Heaving an inaudible sigh, he instead chose to clear his throat and said, “Well, as pointless as this is, it would seem that social custom dictate that I ask you, ‘What’s the matter?’”

Demyx got to scrambling to a sitting position, sniffling and wiping his false tears away. “Vexen,” he said, eyes showing no signs of the redness usually associated with crying.

“Yes.” He glanced down to check on the steam still rising from his coffee, a light mist appearing all the more prominent in the castle’s cold air, though he couldn’t say for how much longer it would last.

“I-I was sad.” Demyx wiped his nose with a sleeve, while Vexen grimaced, not that the boy should really have a runny nose, unless he had managed to find a way to induce that, as well.

“You know just as well as _I_ do that you were not sad. You don’t have a heart. It’s not possible to feel sad.”

“I _was_ sad. Nobodies can feel sad just like anyone else.” He made a show of sniffling and rubbing his face again.

“That is incorrect,” the scientist said, wincing as the boy used his sleeve as a tissue once more.

“You can’t tell me how I feel. I felt sad. It’s the truth.” He sniffed and rubbed his nose with a gloved finger, Vexen wondering when was the last time the boy had given his clothes over to the Dusks to be laundered. Knowing him, even that simple task was likely too much effort for him to be bothered with on a regular basis.

Vexen rolled his eyes. “If you insist on being uncooperative, then clearly I am wasting my time.” He turned to leave. No one could say he didn’t try. But, an overdone whimpering could be heard from behind and a plea.

“Don’t go.”

He half-turned to consider the younger Nobody, directing a glare at him when he was still making a point of looking pathetic. To his relief, Demyx dropped the sniffing and that vile nose-wiping, simply settling for a frown and a dejected look. Still inaccurate, but that would have to do. Even _he_ mimicked some of the emotions he no longer felt, he supposed.

Sighing, Vexen returned to facing the other Nobody again, the declining state of his coffee weighing heavily on his mind. Another quick look downwards told him that the steam was not as abundant as it was when he had first entered the room. But, it would be quite wasted if he drank it now. He wasn’t too intent on being kept awake simply to converse with Demyx. On the contrary, under such circumstances, he’d rather be tired. “Now, tell me, then, what has you bothered so? And remember, I am a scientist, so I will only accept facts, not your misguided interpretations of what you believe to be emotion.”

Demyx pulled his legs up to sit cross-legged on the couch, hands clasped before him by his feet. He looked down and fiddled with his fingers, as Vexen raised an eyebrow at the fact that the boy now had his boots on the furniture. “Larxene was being mean.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. But, she is always that way, so why should that have you so worked up now?”

“She was _really_ mean today. She says I’m lazy and worthless and contribute nothing to the Organization.”

“And is that not so?” The steam was nearly gone from his coffee. Soon, his entire trip up here would have been for nothing.

The boy’s head shot up, face a mixture of anger and hurt, though, fake nonetheless. “Now you’re being just as bad as her!”

“My apologies. Continue.” And make it quick!

Demyx hesitated, mouth left partway open, and Vexen raised his eyebrows at him, an inaudible “Well?” The boy sighed. “And it’s not just her. It’s everyone. Everyone picks on me here.” He directed an accusing look at the scientist, and Vexen narrowed his eyes in response, and to the boy’s credit, he said nothing more to that effect.

Vexen cupped his other hand around the side of the coffee mug, and a slight warmth began to make its way through his glove, a welcome feeling to combat the chill of the room. “People without hearts have the tendency to lose some of the restraint they had as humans. You’ll just have to learn to deal with it.” It wasn’t as if those buffoons treated _him_ any better. Not only was he their elder and their intellectual superior, but he outranked nearly everyone here, but did they show him any respect for it? Of course, not.

Demyx lowered his head, staring back at his hands and his feet, while Vexen considered telling him to get his shoes off the couch already, but the boy continued in a softer voice, “I’m just sick of being the loser. I always have been, even as Dyme. Back then, bullies picked on me all the time. And it’s not really any different here.”

“People were often unkind to me, as well, but you don’t see _me_ lying around moping about it.” He had endured more than his fair share of bullying and humiliation when he was young, and while he had devised countless theories as to why someone with his intelligence should be subject to such abuse by those clearly inferior to him, no amount of research or experiments could give him the answers he sought.

Demyx’s gaze returned to him. “Yeah, and that’s probably what made you so mean.”

“Excuse me! Just because I don’t find it funny that you act like an imbecile all the time and ignore your duties so you can lay around making a racket on your guitar, it doesn’t make me mean.”

“All of that was pretty mean right now.” Demyx gave a sheepish grin. “And I didn’t mean anything by what I said.” He fiddled with his fingers again in a most irritating manner, then, added, “And it’s a _sit_ ar.”

“Pardon me?”

“It’s a sitar, not a guitar.”

Vexen pursed his lips. “Does it really matter?”

The younger Nobody bobbed his head, that grin still plastered on his face. “Yeah.”

“Well, then, now that that’s settled,” perhaps all was not lost with his coffee, if he skipped walking and teleported straight back to his lab, “I suppose I’ll be going.”

Demyx straightened from his slouch. “No, stay!”

His second attempt at escape was stopped in mid-step, forcing him to turn back once again to the other Nobody in a huff. “What could there possibly be to discuss with you now?”

The boy’s shoulders sagged again. “I don’t know. But, everyone else is asleep or off on a mission right now. I tried to wake Xigbar up, but he told me to go away.”

“That’s what you get for choosing questionable friends.”

Demyx continued to stare at him, his frown returning, and Vexen sighed, walking over to sit on the couch across the table from the other Nobody. He crossed one leg over the other and had no choice but to hold his coffee on his lap, for there were no coasters on the table. Scanning its surface to avoid the boy’s fake, but still pathetic, expression, his eyes stopped at a moisture ring, the grip on his coffee tightening.

“So it’s pretty quiet around today, huh?” the voice from across the table said.

“Hmm.” He started to make a list in his mind in an effort to surmise the one responsible for marring the table so.

“Sometimes it’s nice when no one’s around, though.”

It was probably Xigbar.

“But, sometimes it’s not so bad having a bunch of people to talk to, either.”

Vexen blinked at the blemish on the tabletop, withholding a yawn. From the way the steam had all but vanished, and the warmth coming through his glove had diminished to where he could hardly feel it, he could conclude with some certainty that his coffee was quickly cooling off, and soon, he would have no other choice but to simply make a new cup. What a failed venture this was.

“Because sometimes there’s just—”

“I didn’t come here to spend my time making pointless small talk,” the scientist said, finally turning his gaze on the boy across from him. Frankly, it was a waste of a perfectly good cup of coffee.

“Vexen…”

The older man stared at him, waiting for what was surely to follow, then, raised an eyebrow when nothing did. “Yes? What is it?”

Demyx opened his mouth, then, closed it, fingers now tightly laced together by his boots. Enough was enough.

“And get your filthy shoes off the couch. This isn’t a zoo.” His eyes returned for a moment to the ring on the table. Perhaps Demyx was to blame.

The younger Nobody, with a show that seemed to suggest that this was a much more difficult endeavor than it should have been, uncrossed his legs and planted his feet on the floor, hands now separate and grasping the edge of his seat.

“Vexen, are we family now?” He leaned forward and proceeded to watch the scientist with large, expectant eyes.

Sitting up straighter at this bizarre question, Vexen said, “Of course, not. What would give you such an idea?”

Demyx looked away and started to pick at the edge of the couch with one hand. “I don’t know. I guess it’s a stupid question anyway.”

This conversation was going nowhere, but at this point, he had wasted far too much time to give up now. “What put such a question in your mind? We are simply colleagues all forced to live under one roof with the shared goal of getting back our hearts. Nothing more. Once this is all over, we’ll no doubt return to our previous lives, and you and I will never see each other again.”

This caused the boy to hang his head further, and then his head popped back up, as if an idea had somehow accidentally wandered into that empty skull of his. “Yeah, but we’ve all lived together for years. And you don’t have to be related to be family, right? Not really.”

Vexen couldn’t help but admit that the normally brainless Nobody had a fairly decent point. He had lived for quite a number of years, well, his _human_ form had, with his fellow apprentices and His Lordship, Ansem the Wise, and he supposed they could be described as a family, in a sense, Ienzo especially, even if he wasn’t completely fond of some of them. But, one was often not fond of their _real_ family members, either. “I suppose that is true. But, why in the name of Kingdom Hearts would you want to be part of a family consisting of a bunch of unfeeling Nobodies, especially when, in your own words,” he made a tepid quotation motion with one hand, “‘everyone picks on’ you?”

Demyx tilted his head in thought, and after a moment, Vexen’s suspicions that the boy was not capable of thought were confirmed when he simply shrugged.

“Well, you must have a reason. One does not blurt out such an inane question on a mere whim,” the scientist said. One did not waste someone else’s time so needlessly, either. At least, it was terribly impolite to do so.

“Well, why not? We see each other all the time. The only other person I saw as much as everyone here was my grandma. And I never got to have a big family, with brothers and sisters and all that.”

Vexen raised an eyebrow. “I seriously hope you don’t see _me_ as such.”

Demyx shook his head. “Nah, you’re more like…the crazy uncle.”

The older Nobody’s expression soured, his eyes growing wide. “You will not speak to me in that way, Number IX! What have I told you about respecting your elders?”

“I’m sorry!” Despite leaning back in his seat to distance himself from the other man’s fury, Demyx then muttered something under his breath, his smile returning.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Nevertheless, he continued to grin like an imbecile, adding, “It’s a nice idea, though, isn’t it? We may not have hearts, but at least we have each other. I mean, at least we don’t have to be alone.”

How Demyx could look him in the eye throughout that entire cornball exposition, he had no idea. And now, no warmth whatsoever could be felt through his cup, the coffee surely growing cool, which did nothing for Vexen’s spirits. He huffed. “We are not family. No matter how badly you want us to fill some void you apparently think you have, it doesn’t make us anything more than a random collection of nonexistent beings.”

Demyx began to lean forward in his seat again. “A real family’s pretty random, too. They didn’t choose to be together, either.”

“What you fail to remember is that Nobodies don’t have hearts, therefore, they can’t care for anyone, therefore, they can’t have families.”

“Well, _I_ care about all of you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Well, can I pretend?”

“You can pretend all you want, just as you can pretend that you have a heart, but all the pretending in the world doesn’t make something a reality.”

Demyx stared at him, Vexen hoping his words had finally sunk in, until the boy asked, “So can I at least _pretend_ we’re family?”

The scientist groaned and hung his head, which had the beginnings of a migraine coming on. This boy was beyond help. “Do what you will. If you want to be a slave to your fantasies, then, I suppose I can’t stop you.”

“Okay.”

He raised his eyes to gaze upon the ignorant Nobody sitting across from him, now smiling and staring off at nothing in particular, no doubt daydreaming about the things they had just discussed. Vexen lifted his head, letting out a long breath, and looked out the great wall of windows to his right, showing the same, old night sky and the ever-present incomplete Kingdom Hearts. If he didn’t have his experiments to occupy his time, he’d die from the monotony.

“But, why don’t you want us to be family?”

He turned back to Demyx, who almost pulled his feet back onto the couch, then stopped.

“Did we not just go over this?” Vexen asked, squinting as his migraine worsened.

“I know. But, why don’t you even want to pretend?”

“I’m a scientist, and scientists don’t play make-believe like you harebrained imbeciles do.”

“But, you pretend to have a heart.”

“That is out of necessity.”

Demyx nodded in agreement, unfazed. “Yeah, and a family is a neci… A family is important, too. As important as a heart. If I had to deal with having no heart alone, well, that would be…depressing.”

Vexen bit back a retort on how a heartless Nobody couldn’t possibly feel depressed, forcing himself instead to take a deep breath to calm his frayed nerves, while his coffee had certainly gone cold by now. “That is all well and good, but the word ‘family’ to describe the Organization is completely invalid. And to answer your earlier question, the reason I don’t consider these people my family, aside from the reasons I already gave you, is I simply don’t wish to become further associated with a bunch of people that mock myself and my work. And considering I found you in here crying your eyes out because Larxene was picking on you, and frankly, you should really learn how to simply avoid her as I do, I don’t understand your insistence on calling people that mistreat you ‘family’.”

“Because…” He thought this over, brow furrowed and mouth set in a determined line, looking as if he was putting serious consideration into his next words. “Because it makes me feel better.”

No, it doesn’t. But, who cares anymore? Rolling his eyes, Vexen said, “I see our conversation is beginning to repeat itself.” He stood and found the younger Nobody gazing up at him with a surprisingly understanding expression on his face. Understanding of what? “I’d best be going, as I do not wish to go over this same discussion yet again.”

A strange urgency filled Demyx’s eyes. “But, it _does_ help. Even if we aren’t really family and can’t really care about each other, it keeps everything from being so bad. It makes it easier to deal with them being mean to me if I can at least think…” He stopped, mouth open, blinking, in an effort to think of the correct words, then let out a sigh. “If I pretend that we’re family, then I can pretend that they care, even if they don’t.”

“Good night, Demyx.” Vexen turned and headed for the doorway, cold cup of coffee in hand, while he felt Demyx’s gaze follow him. He stopped when the boy spoke up again.

“Don’t you see, though? We’re similar. And if you did what I did, then maybe you’d feel…or not feel…better.”

The scientist turned his head halfway, though the other Nobody was still not in view, hidden from sight behind one of his long bangs. “I fail to see how we’re alike or why I need to, as you say, ‘feel better’?”

“The Organization…they treat us both the same. Don’t get mad at me, but… We’re both…the outcasts, aren’t we?”

Vexen frowned, but could not really refute this. “And so you see why I don’t consider them my family.” He turned further to look back over his shoulder at Demyx, the concern on the boy’s face appearing sincere enough to nearly fool him. “You really should get to bed. It’s late.”

“It’s always late.”

Vexen chuckled. “So it is.” The smile that crossed his face was gone a second later, replaced by an emotionless expression more befitting of a Nobody. “Go to bed.”

He turned and continued out of the room and headed down the hallway in the direction of the kitchen, silence once again surrounding him, broken only by soft footfalls, amplified by this very silence and the emptiness of the halls. Strangely tomblike this Castle was sometimes, an analogy that came unbidden to him and which inevitably caused another, equally unpleasant, thought to surface from a corner of his mind he continually tried and failed to keep locked.

Many times, he would spend weeks alone in his lab, even sleeping in there when he could keep his eyes open no longer, his self-imposed banishment broken only for short breaks for the usual rituals of being alive (well, Nobodies didn’t exist and, therefore, couldn’t really be considered alive, but they still had the same burdens as humans did, to his great disappointment, if he could feel disappointed). And there were occasions during these long stretches of solitude where, having not encountered another being in this entire span of time, aside from a Dusk or two, his attention would lapse from his work, and he would start to wonder if perhaps he was, in fact, the last person left in the world. He knew this was illogical, as the other members certainly weren’t going to simply vanish into thin air (well, that was actually quite possible, but surely not all at once), but it was a feeling that had been coming to him with greater and greater frequency.

It haunted him so much as of late, that he even was motivated to take a break from his work every now and then to seek out other members to make certain his suspicions weren’t true. Usually some snide remark or a roll of the eyes they didn’t think he caught would send him right back to his lab, but then his unease would eventually return weeks later, sometimes sooner, like dust once again settling in a room that had been disturbed.

Vexen shook his head, as if in an attempt to send these thoughts free from his mind. He had plenty of work ahead of him, and if he gave it his full attention, surely such things would be forgotten. His return to his lab was long past due, after that conversation had managed to drag on for far longer than it should have. Usually his interactions with Demyx were only a short ordeal, as the younger Nobody never failed to blurt out something completely idiotic, and the scientist rarely had the willpower to endure such nonsense for very long. He really wasn’t even sure how Demyx had managed to ensnare him for so long, and after that large expanse of wasted time he would never get back, he was in desperate need of a new cup of coffee. Without it, work would be all but impossible, as he had grown quite weary at this point, having gone without sleep for a good 72 hours now, he believed. And now he had a splitting migraine.

To top it off, his recent discussion with the other Nobody, or whatever that pointless exchange of words was, was still swirling around in his mind, now free to run rampant once he rid himself of his illogical thoughts of becoming the last person left in their nonexistent world. That boy’s whimsy was just too much sometimes, but Vexen supposed Demyx had far more free time than the rest of them, due to his refusal to do work of any kind, so it was no wonder he managed to think up such wild fantasies. The very notion that a Nobody could have a family was absurd.

Surely the Dusks didn’t believe such things, and they were of a lower intelligence than that of the Organization (though, it didn’t always seem that way). They merely gathered to complete work that required more than one or to patrol the Castle and the city streets in groups in much the same manner as the Heartless did, for no other reason aside from the fact that things that shared similarities usually had the tendency to gather, as birds sit together on the top of a fence. He was certain that a random collection of birds don’t consider each other members of one, big, happy family, and as far as he could surmise from his studies of the lesser Nobodies, neither did the Dusks. They showed no signs of perceived attachment to their comrades. They didn’t gather in groups for need of company. They were together because they all had a common goal, and such things were often easier completed with the assistance of others. That was all.

Even those that, as humans, had been a good deal closer, no longer felt the same need to maintain any more than an air of civility once they lost their hearts. Of this, he had experienced firsthand. Despite knowing several of the founding members since he was a teenager, once Vexen lost his heart, these people became no more than mere acquaintances to him. People he had known for decades and had shared countless experiences with, including the destruction of their world, an event that had been caused by their very own hands. And yet, he no longer felt anything towards them, except an empty disdain when they encroached on his privacy, but even that was not a feeling. He just had the knowledge in his mind that he had work to do, and they were distracting him from it. They had been reduced to memories of emotion and animal instinct. The least they could do is be sensible and not try to pretend to be any more than they were. The benefit of losing a heart was the added clarity his mind now had, that could no longer be clouded by what his heart was doing. Such a benefit was wasted on people like Demyx, who continued to act illogically even when they were rid of the one thing that made them that way.

The scientist’s footsteps slowed to a halt, eyes tilted downward as one hand rose to join the other in holding his coffee mug, eyebrows slanting in contemplation. And yet, despite his assurance of the heart’s role in emotion and what his current condition entailed, there was an exception in regards to one thing. Zexion. Vexen had raised the boy ever since he had been orphaned as a young child, with little help from the other apprentices. Well, to be more accurate, _Even_ had raised _Ienzo_. And while no blame could be laid on him for losing what affection he had for Ienzo, now Zexion, following his becoming a Nobody, there was still something unsettling in that thought and the knowledge that the same was true for Number VI in regards to him. He couldn’t care, but there were times this thought got stuck in his mind, and nothing but time could get it loose again. It was foolish, as foolish as his beliefs that the other members had suddenly all disappeared, like stars being blotted out by storm clouds, but unlike the stars’ case, to never return.

It bothered him. He had concluded long ago that being bothered did not constitute as a true emotion, as it was a state he found himself in just as much as when he had a heart, if not more so. He no longer cared about Zexion other than a wish that he not die or suffer any other undue injury, and that was simply a result of his lack of a heart. There was nothing immoral in his lack of concern towards the boy he had raised, as he had no choice in the matter. The same behavior from Zexion towards him was to be expected, as well, but he couldn’t stop from wondering sometimes why the boy never visited his lab anymore or assisted him in his work, even when he found the other Nobody on countless occasions simply reading, with no indication he had anything to do at the moment but kill time. And worst of all was the fact that even Zexion could treat him like a joke now. As Ienzo, he was one of the only people that showed the scientist any respect, so where had it gone? Respect was not an emotion any more than loyalty or the primal desire for self-preservation, so where had it gone if it hadn’t been stripped away when his heart was lost?

Vexen’s head went up, and he looked around to make sure that no one had caught him just standing there in the middle of the hallway. Look at him, fretting over such things. He was a scientist and an emotionless one at that and yet, here he was, preoccupied with such pointless concerns, even when it was quite impossible for a Nobody to concern themselves over anything to begin with.

He began to head down the hallway again, pace quicker than before. He arrived in the kitchen and poured his cold coffee out into the sink, not a drop touched, but once he put the cup down, his hand stalled. It hovered for a moment, looking ready to take hold of the cup again, but then he buried his face in his hands, letting out a muffled groan before pulling them down his face. It was another moment before he realized he was now staring at the wall above the sink, hands still pressed to either side of his mouth, the cold leather of his gloves an unpleasant softness on his face. Dropping his arms, he then raised one again to press thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, his migraine getting to him even more than usual. He had pills in his lab for just this thing, but he was no longer in the mood to return to that empty room. The peace and the solitude were normally welcome, but not tonight, or whatever time it was in this blasted world.

He washed the cup and put it away, even though such a task was usually saved for the Dusks, only vaguely aware he was doing so, his mind clouded with nagging thoughts and an oncoming sleep that he had put off for far too long, as he had been, as usual, much too busy for it. There were always more experiments that needed to be performed in order to further his understanding of the heart and Nobodies and darkness and countless other related topics. There was no doubt in his mind that he knew more about such things than all the other members combined, but then they had the audacity to laugh at _him_ when one of his experiments didn’t live up to their expectations. What did _they_ contribute to the Organization? A person’s worth shouldn’t depend on their physical strength or their aptitude for pointless fighting. Any brainless muscle head could become competent in those areas. There was nothing of actual _value_ they could offer that he wasn’t fully capable of himself. And yet…

He sighed. Obsessing over it would do nothing, but these were subjects he found himself mulling over time and time again, regardless. If Demyx found some kind of “comfort” in his fantasies, even though there was an actual reason people treated _him_ as they did, then Vexen supposed it was up to him. He, however, would not attempt to escape from reality through such foolish means. Comfort was best saved for when he finally had a heart again with which to feel it, though he couldn’t know if the things that had been plaguing him as of late would be resolved from the regaining of his heart or those of his colleagues. No, not even the greatest mind in the Organization (whether they believed it or not) could foresee such things, especially when he never would have predicted the troubling changes that occurred following the loss of their hearts. And that was yet another thing his experiments had never revealed the answer to.

It was quite late, by Vexen’s timing, and he returned to his room, no longer with the will nor the mental alertness to continue his work for the night (or whatever time it was), deciding rather to take his own advice and go to bed. Sleep would give him a temporary respite from his migraine and his bothersome thoughts, and perhaps sleep would also bring some comfort in the form of dreams of the past and perhaps a better future, whether or not one actually was out there waiting for him. Comfort? For a Nobody? He was beginning to sound like Demyx.


End file.
